every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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