if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
