I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize