i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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