Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
