forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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