It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize