are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
