I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
