On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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