She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
