Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
