I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
