i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
