Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
