Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
