i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
