No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
