I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
