it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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