i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
