i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
