Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
