8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
