I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
