So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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