dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
