we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
