Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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