I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
