If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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