Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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