I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
