I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
