Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
