we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
