no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
