is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
