everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we're making bets on your personal life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
