You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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