Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
