P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
