I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
