rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
