You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
