Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
