I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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