im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
