my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
