separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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