guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
