The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
