3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize