How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
