woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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