i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
