i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
