I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
