Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
