Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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