You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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