Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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