I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
