just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
