the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
