im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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