i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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