He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Found the puke drawer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
