I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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