you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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