Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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