I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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