ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
