youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
