I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
