i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
