Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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