he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
