I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
