I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have post one night stand depression
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize