How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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