Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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