I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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