the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
