I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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