I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
