my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
